I’m beyond happy the last week is over.  I’ve been off kilter all week and am just now beginning to feel like myself again.

This week came to a head when I went to weigh in yesterday to find that I have lost a total of 49.8 lbs.  Forty-nine point freaking eight.  I know I should be thrilled, but I got home and cried and cried and cried.  I really wanted to hit the 50 pound milestone and was devastated that I was so close and didn’t achieve it.

Once the pity-party was over (and trust me, it killed me not to go buy myself a good bottle of wine and gourmet chocolate to console myself) I decided to really think about why I think my weight loss has not been as quick as I would hope lately.  I’m laughing to myself as I am typing this, because it sounds so introspective and self-aware, but in reality there’s a dress I really want to buy and I don’t fit in the largest size that it comes in yet…(I’m determined to wear it for my birthday in May).

So, back to this self-reflection business.  The food cravings this week have been insane.  I have spent most of every day this week daydreaming about everything from grilled cheese to truffle fries to sake (I don’t even like sake)… you name it I was desperate for it.  My head was in the food cloud and not in the IP game.  I was going through the motions of IP and really kind of hating it and I knowingly made a few mistakes that I didn’t really try to correct:  1)  at a work lunch I think there was some sort of sugar or honey added to brussels sprouts and I ate them anyway; 2) I’ve been lazy about recording what I eat so I know I’ve had too much;  3)  I have not had nearly enough water; 4) I’ve been saying “oh, those few shreds of carrot in the salad won’t matter” or “there’s barely any cooked onion”, etc.  A lot.  It adds up.

So this week, in the name of a seriously pretty dress (and because I will hit 50 lbs next week if it kills me) I am going back to serious militant IP mode.  It started last night when I “came down with the flu” (cough, cough) to get out of a dinner that I knew I wouldn’t be supported at and I’d be put into a level of temptation for food and wine that I just don’t want to deal with.  I’m back at it measuring and recording every bite and sip, I have made a schedule for the next week for going to the gym to help build lean muscle (no cardio, I know), and am determined to get every last drop of water I am supposed to drink in.

I am going to attack this week and am super excited to go to my appointment and surpass the 50 lb milestone!