I only realized this morning that I forgot to blog last night.  I had coffee with a friend too late and went on a kind of crazy cleaning binge before crashing.

Before I went to coffee I stopped by Whole Foods to do some grocery shopping for the week, and even the best coupon clippers would have been jealous:  I spent exactly $0!

Here’s how:

I grabbed a hand basket (I walk there so I need to make sure I can physically carry my stuff home, so I can’t use a cart) and made my way to the butcher counter.  It was packed.  Not busy, but Walmart on a double-coupon-free-TV-with-purchase-Black-Friday insane.  I decided I would come back if this mob scene was not, in fact, a sign of the apocalypse.

I then went to the produce section.  Veggies!  I looked at the broccoli and almost gagged.  I am  not sure I can physically eat another piece of broccoli.  I have hit the broccoli wall.

Then I saw a bunch of other veggies that are either off limits or I don’t know what they are and was too lazy/burnt-out to google recipes.  I moved on.

There were a few (literally 2) beat up zucchinis on the shelf and a cucumber that was a bit soft.  Yuck.

Basket still empty.

I went to see if they had the orangey tulips, surely that would inspire a shopping trip worthy of Top Chef:  IP Edition.  No luck.  I look silly with this empty basket.

Back to the butcher, which has calmed down to regular Black Friday pandemonium.  I decide I HATE chicken.  Raw chicken is the grossest thing ever.  What psychopath saw raw chicken and decided to cook and eat it in the first place?  I have shivers just thinking about it.  I don’t have a grill or great ventilation in my kitchen, so red meat and fish are kind of out.  I go to the prepared food section with a coupon that someone handed me for sauce.

At the salad bar I’m reminded of how bad I am at assembling salads, and nothing looks appealing anyways.  On to eggs.

I had eggs for breakfast.  I also had a bit of eggshell in my eggs.  Can not stomach the thought of eggs after the bit of eggshell was surely trying to kill me.  I turn around to see the trail mix bar and start having glorious day dreams about yogurt covered pretzels.  I walk my basket with the coupon in it back to the front door, drop it off, and head home.

And that is the story of how I successfully spent zero dollars at Whole Foods.