Focus and attention

Everyday a battle rages within me.  Some days I am the victor, and some days I am not.  I am on this journey to find out why I have this war, and why when the going gets tough, I struggle.

With my post yesterday, I know I am not alone.  Many have reached out and let me know that we are in this together.  Some have thanked me for publicly voicing the struggle.  It can be very lonely.  When you feel you fail, it’s so easy to isolate.  For me, it was easier to hide.

The reasons I started Ideal Protein are still true.  I have many auto immune challenges such as fibromyalgia, PCOS, and chronic fatigue just to name a few.  My foot was so compromised by the extra weight that I had developed a bone spur and faced surgery, and after 20 weeks in a boot, I was done.  I lost the weight, and surpassed my weight loss number.  And for a year, I kept it off.

In January I had a financial crisis, and I decided I could maintain on my own.  I stopped visiting the clinic, not because of money, but because I was also under a sever time constraint.  I work 50-60 hours a week, and have been going to school at night.  So my finances sucked, my free time was non-existent, and my ability to manage anything went down the toilet.  Poof… weight gain.

Sure I can blame it on stress.  Why not, that cortisol is a killer.  But, that isn’t what really happened.  What really happened is I stopped paying attention.  I stopped getting on the scale. I stopped curling my hair.  I stopped wearing makeup.  I stopped packing my meals or going to the grocery store.  I found convenient things, and told myself it wasn’t that far off protocol.  At first it was only 5 pounds.  I can manage that, phase 1 for a day or two… no problem.  But every day there was another excuse.  Every day I would tell myself, I can start tomorrow. Then it was 10 pounds.  No big deal.

On Monday night, my foot hurt.  Wow, that hasn’t happened in a while.  So I tried to figure out what was causing it.  Really?  I haven’t worked out in 2 months while I ate the crap that comes from convenient food, and stayed off the scale.  Hmmm… 20 pounds?  Yep.

Life has a way of smacking you upside the head.  My foot hurts, my back hurts, my pants are too tight, I am 15 pounds over my “run straight to the clinic weight”.  Why?  Because I stopped paying attention.  I have no idea what I ate on Monday.  I have no way of knowing how many calories, fat, carbs I took in.  DAMN!  The truth hurts.

The solution is easy.  Pay attention.  That means tracking my food (Yes Nancy, every single bite.) It means going to the clinic and weighing in.  It means getting up early to make yourself a priority. Find a way to be active (phase 1 protocol active light weights, yoga, walking.) Take a shower, brush your teeth, prep your food the night before, hair and makeup… and soon the cute clothes will fit again.

Yeah, so easy… Pay attention.  It’s really not that easy to practice.  But it is necessary.  This isn’t about will power.  Life has a way to try and throw us off course.  It takes will power to fight over and over and over again.  It takes determination to face the reality, step back on the scale and move forward.  This isn’t about will power.  It’s about remembering that you are worth the extra effort.  It’s about looking in the mirror, and paying attention.  It’s about the small victories, and celebrating them… so that you don’t lose sight of who you are and where you are going.  I just need to pay attention.

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