I never got out of pajamas today. I have been under so much stress lately that I finally hit the wall and was so exhausted that I couldn’t even put myself together.
In the last two weeks I have looked at over 25 apartments, as I have less than two weeks to find a place to live. I’ve fallen in love with a few that I am somehow mentally justifying paying hundreds per month more than I can reasonably afford (I can totally live here…I don’t need gas or insurance or electricity…) and some that I can totally afford that are so awful that I wanted to bathe in bleach after touring them. There are very few in between and I’m flipping out.
This level of long term stress is not new to me. I (and everyone else) have plenty of things going on that are extremely stressful that won’t go away, but somehow this is the straw breaking this camel’s back. It also feels like my only priority, whereas success on the IP protocol felt like my only priority for months.
What I am struggling with is going through the IP motions. My head is so scattered that I am not in the game…kind of not in any game since I feel like everything is out of control. I’m trying my best, but kind of out to lunch with too many other big things to think about other than IP.
So, my plan for this week is to try to take control and create order in anything I can. At this moment I plan on taking a few classes at the gym followed by a long steam (the eucalyptus steam room is my new favorite thing ever); do a deep clean on my current apartment (cleanliness is calming); and continuing to scour the internet for a place to live and also continuing to renegotiate my current lease. Hopefully this will calm me down enough so that IP will be back at the forefront of my thoughts.