Lots going on lately

The last few weeks have been quite the trip.  I went way off protocol at a time I was super frustrated with IP.  Also at the same time I spent the better part of three weeks on the road, trying to work with a therapist about being the adult child of an alcoholic and the giant poopstorm that entails, and also having a MAJOR life change potentially on the horizon.

First with being off protocol.  Call it an IP mental health break.  I was exhausted from saying no to social events or white knuckling my way through them.  I was so annoyed that my life on IP looked nothing like my old life, I was beginning to feel like a shut in because staying home is easier than saying no.  Wimping out?  Completely.  Well, with two weeks on the road sandwiching birthday week I earned the jump on the scale and have spent the three day weekend atoning.

ACOA.  This seriously sucks.  Having to address painful issues from growing up is actually making me remember more of it, loads of things that I had buried far away so I wouldn’t have to deal with them.  So, I’ve spent a lot of time seriously pissed off.  It’s like having PMS and road rage all the time when I have to think about this stuff and actually deal with.  I’ve spent a lot of time and effort being in blissful denial about it because dealing with it is hard and painful.

And finally, a major life change that I am super excited for that I am desperately trying not to jinx.  There’s a really big chance that I am moving out of the Bay Area!  I’m really excited and will know a lot more in the next few weeks.  I’m a SJ native and have never lived outside of the Bay Area, except for summers growing up.  The downside of this is that it all depends on someone who prefers being a bit rogue and making up his own rules, and it’s really scary that my future sits in this tornado of “I can do whatever I want”.  So, I don’t know if I move in a month or six months or at all or how much warning I will ultimately have.  I was freaking out about maybe moving 30 miles away a few months ago.  Please join me in hyperventilating.

So, this week I am trying to re-gain my week one vigor.  It feels harder to re-start than starting in the first place was.  I am motivated by wanting to be in a good place when and if I move.  And I also physically feel pretty gross after eating and drinking so much bad stuff lately.  Day 3 back on the wagon and I already feel like a new person.

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