It isn’t that we don’t know how to eat healthy, and it’s not that we don’t know how to exercise. Sometimes it’s just that little override that say to heck with this…. I WANT.
Battling the emotional voice is the hardest battle some of us will ever face. It’s not just a battle, but really a war. The key is to focus on one battle at a time. And never give up.
I have had weight issues my entire life. Like many of us, mine stem from abuse, and using food to mask it. It’s not like you wake up at 5 years old and say “hmmm if I get fat this person will leave me alone”. It’s more like… Here is your reward for making it another day, hour, minute…
When you start trying to gain control over your eating habits and you are really focusing on it…. It makes sense… It feels good… It’s not that hard…
I did fantastic for over a year! I have been in maintenance mode since May… And I stopped paying attention. I am “skinny” now, I workout, I eat healthy… Whoohoo I am done!!!! Never have to diet again.
Then, something happened. I got hurt…. Emotionally hurt. At first I burried it. Oddly, no one knew I was hurt… But I stopped going out, I started eating more fast food…. I was tired all the time, and Starbucks sells my drug of choice (decadent coffee and pastries…. Not the illegal stuff!!!).
At first it was a slow creep, and I would fight the minute I saw 150 on the scale…. Then it was hard being below 150 so I gave myself permission to use 155 as my safety number… After all there is that 5 pound bump.
And then one excuse fed another excuse. I am working full time, go to school part time, and always put everyone else first. I no longer have time for yoga, karate, running. It’s cold, I am behind on work, I have a paper due…
Last week I knew I was in trouble. I knew I was in a funk… So taking a Hercules amount of effort I went and saw my coach and made an appointment with a counselor.
I already wrote about how awesome my coach is, and the homework the counselor gave me. I went back to phase 1… And I did my homework. It’s a great start. What scares me is that this isn’t the first time in life I have pulled my big girl panties on and fixed things… How do we permanently fix this? An alcoholic can never drink again. Someone on pain pills or stronger drug can stop using. I have to eat….
I guess there isn’t a single answer, but my very wonderful coach said something that has stuck… Surround yourself with people who inspire you and where you want to be.
So in this moment, I am OK. My tool kit contains:
•Emergency supply of IP product so I always have a healthier choice.
•List of friends I know I can call when things aren’t going well
•A pair of good running shoes to get me out, fast, when being with foods or triggers is too tough
•An accountability partner who checks in on me daily
•A fantastic IP coach who listens, encourages, and helps focus
Today, I remembered to take my vitamins, I began my food journal, I have a plan, and I am feeling positive and supported.
I wasn’t sure about writing this today, and I know it’s long… But I also know I am not alone. Emotional eating is a huge challenge… Maybe together we can push through it.