Welcome to the mind of an addict. There are many forms of addiction. When you walk into any recovery program the very first thing you hear is that admitting you have a problem is the first step.
Ok. I have a problem. I am addicted to taking care of everybody else first. I even put strangers in front of taking care of myself.
So… Now that I have admitted my addiction, it should be easy to fix. Right? I mean…who does this?
Who gets up and starts cleaning and prepping lunches for everyone in the house (except for myself because I can deal with whatever is left.)
Who runs out in their PJs to walk the dog because she has held it all night long before going themselves?
Who volunteers to take extra shifts so that someone else can enjoy quality time with family and friends?
Who works extra hours to make sure that if someone else dropped the ball, no one else was affected!
Who can’t find their keys, forgets to pack their lunch, can’t find clean or un wrinkled clothes, or remember what the did yesterday?
I am an addict. I have made it so easy for everyone else to get through life… And I can’t do that for myself.
I feel guilty when I take time for me.
I am so tired that people think I am sick.
In working with a counselor, I started by saying I wanted help to get through mental road blocks. I explained that I was exhausted and my brain quit, and I felt drained.
Guess who got a lecture about taking care of herself…
Why is this soooo hard?
I guess that boils down to one thing.