Crutches

If you knew me, you would read the title and think oh, now what has she done.

Not that kind of crutch!!!

It was an interesting day at work. Mentoring someone and learning their way of taking things in and ability to adopt… their patterns… Having them point out my patterns… some good, some could benefit from a good overhaul.

This has me thinking. What patterns am I still fighting… because clearly I have some things that I could stand to overhaul in my personal life.

This thinking morphed into what to watch for when I am going down a slippery slope of bad juju.

I stop wearing makeup and curling my hair. Big first sign! It isn’t so much painting my face, but the willingness to try to look my best. (I look fine without makeup… but a tiny bit of color on my cheek can make me look 5 years younger!)

I get out of control with money. I spend to much, forget to pay my bills… whatever… just MONEY.

I stop contacting my friends. I don’t make plans… if I do get roped into something I make excuses.

My laundry clean and dirty sits in piles… SEPARATE piles.. clean clothes sit in piles in my closet… dirty clothes everywhere else…

I am tired… and finding the energy to be me.. is not worth finding the energy to be me.

I know I am not alone. I read a ton of articles. They call it depression and say you just have to let it work itself out.

I am fighting hormones, food cravings, well meaning family and friends who want to meet for breakfast, lunch, dinner… it’s raining… it’s cold… yep life! I am not loosing fast… and I am trying to stay off the stupid scale.

For me… taking one baby step, and then another… focusing on something, anything helps. The day I made the call to get back on program… the depression ebbed back. My energy is slowly returning. It’s a long haul to pull my act back together… I will fight through and win.

Giving up is a crutch… and I don’t need that crutch!